03 December 2009

I don't wear lipstick

Returned from a pilgrimage to suburbia. My parents live 25 kms away and I haven't been to their house in a month. The rain has been good for lawns out there, it's like walking into some kind of overgrown tropical Gondwana. I came by the morning train and walked into the house feeling slightly overgrown myself. Is it possible that I am growing taller in my mid twenties?
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жди меня и я вернусь
только очень жди
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I tumbled into my sister's car, she was going to the hospital for a night shift and I walked through the cool 9 pm still bright summer streets. Past Carlton gardens with its romantic Victorian street lamps dotting the elms. Through the theatre precinct, the chink chink of glasses at the Windsor Hotel and the Princess Theatre. Past Ermenegildo Zegna, louis V, Hermès, Gucci and Chanel. Home home home home. Skip the main streets by zig zagging through cobbled side lanes and staircases behind cathedrals my worn out black summer dress puffing up in a breeze, my brother's borrowed woollen jumper over it .Through crowds of school kids leaving vespers at Saint Paul's with happy smiling parents, huddling, bubbling, chatting excitedly. "'Scuse me. 'Scuse ME," I shout at their brace-happy faces, (dentally-conscious middle income parents). My teeth, vampirishly sharp and slightly crooked as I do yell, half serious. I have three minutes to catch my train and two streets to cross and a station to jog through. I don't wear lipstick. Except when I think I look too tired-eyed.

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Speaking of pilgrimage and cathedrals. In the Holy Land, cobbled, curved Jerusalem streets with pastel green window shutters I fell asleep at the Holy Sepulchre during a midnight liturgy. I sat down on the worn, thousand year old slanted marble floor, slid into a sort of trance amid incense and chants and slept without dreams. My aunt found me and I had communion at Christ's tomb, blinking awake, shivering slightly against the cool marble sleep.

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Am not sure if it is a Russian malady, not sure what it is. Someone please help me. But I could not give a damn for things right now. I don't want anything.
пфу! всю эту дрянь

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